Former Egyptian "President" Hosni Mubarak is out of prison and under house arrest. He's looking forward to ruthlessly crushing the weeds in his backyard garden.
New Watergate tapes came out yesterday, giving more insight into President Nixon's state of mind leading up to the scandal. Also, this posthumous release has finally cemented his position as the Tupac of American presidents.
A 6.2-magnitude earthquake shook Acapulco, Mexico, yesterday, momentarily causing hundreds of American tourists to stand up straight.
Former Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts denied rumors this week that he would run for governor, saying that he will instead get back to failing at things with his family instead.
In Texas, and American Airlines flight attendant trainee was arrested for calling in bomb threats to United Airlines. And that's why you don't haze flight attendant trainees, people.
The number of circumcisions performed in the United States is shrinking, but that's probably just because it was cold.
A new study found that kids who take anti-psychotic drugs are more likely to develop Type 2 Diabetes later in life, while kids who don't take anti-psychotic drugs are more likely to think they're Jesus.
And finally, new data indicates that the NSA has access to over 75% of all Internet traffic, so they probably know the one weird trick to reduce belly fat. And if they don't, then what the hell are we doing?
That's it!
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