The United States is poised to surpass Saudi Arabia in energy production, which is bad news for American women who like to drive.
Speaking of driving, Audi and BMW both announced great increases in sales for 2012, which may explain why there were more assholes on the road.
In North Korea, Google executive Eric Schmidt publicly called on the government to open up the country's Web access to a free and unfettered exchange of ideas. This was a great gift for the North Korean people, who hadn't been able to laugh so hard since Kim Jong Il once farted into a live microphone in 1995.
A group of former U.S. servicemen and women forced out under the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy were awarded separation pay as part of a legal settlement with the Department of Defense. Other details have yet to emerge, because participants are not allowed to talk about them.
In Europe, the new Five-Euro bill will feature the visage of the Greek goddess Europa, so that's at least one Greek with a job in the EU.
San Antonio is planning a new completely digital public library this year. It is unclear how the technology will the ability of homeless guys to shower in the bathroom.
Lance Armstrong admitted to Oprah that he has engaged in doping as a professional athlete. As punishment, Armstrong now has to spend an hour with Dr. Phil.
And finally, congratulations to the cast and crew of Fargo for their groundbreaking Golden Globe victories 14 years after the film's release. It truly is an inspiration.
And that's it!
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