Friday Morning Monologue - January 4, 2012

Hillary Clinton was released from the hospital this week after receiving treatment for a blood clot in her head. Doctors expect her to make a full recovery. And what's more, they expect the pain in her ass to subside as soon as John Kerry is confirmed by the Senate.

Hormel, the makers of SPAM just bought Skippy Peanut Butter. It is unclear what their endgame is, but it's fairly clear that it would have killed Elvis.

Speaking of Elvis, a high school in Utah had to cancel a musical based on his songs after a complaint was lodged that the music was too sexually suggestive. That complaint came from 1956.

A federal court ruled this week that giving the middle finger to a police officer is protected speech under the Constitution. Also, your finger cannot be made to testify against itself. Fingers have rights.

And finally, George Lucas got engaged to his longtime girlfriend this week...

• Their wedding band will be the Mos Eisley Cantina band.
• George is writing his own vows. Aintitcool.com has already posted a leaked copy.
• The bride and groom for the top of the cake will be manufactured by Hasbro.
• Liberal use of CGI on the honeymoon video. And a pointless appearance by Jar-Jar Binks.

Have a great weekend!