Monday, December 3, 2012

Wednesday Morning Monologue - December 5, 2012

The Chi Omega sorority at Penn State caused some trouble after posting some racist photos online. Said a university spokesman "they're all over 18, right? Oh, good."

Chinese telecom firm Huawei issued a statement to several senators concerned about the company expanding into the U.S., saying "we are not a threat to American security." The senators responded by saying "but, how did you know we...?"

NASA plans to send another rover to Mars, which can only mean one thing: Martian robot racing league.

GOP senators blocked the U.S. from ratifying a U.N. treaty upholding the rights of disabled persons. So now we're back at war with the disabled.

At a school in New Jersey, students became ill after drinking a "relaxation drink" named after Bob Marley. Said the maker of the drink "wait, you mean someone's actually drinking this?"

Anderson Cooper was temporarily blinded recently, leaving him unable to gaze upon his own face.

French men are not producing as much sperm as other European men, according to a recent medical study, which is great news for naive American exchange students who don't want a baby right now.

And finally, Karl Rove has been taken off the air at FOX News. Good thing our country has such great unemployment benefits.

And that's the end.

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