Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Wednesday Morning Monologue - December 19, 2012

In entertainment news, rumors are flying that NBC plans to hand over the Tonight Show to Jimmy Fallon in 2014, following the end of Jay Leno's contract. So, look for Fallon to be launching his basic cable show in the spring of 2015.

The UK renamed a portion of Antarctica for Queen Elizabeth. For her part, the Queen thanked Parliament for renaming a cold, barren wasteland in her honor, saying "at least it's not Manchester."

Hanbro will begin selling its Easy Bake Oven in gender-neutral colors, so that boys and girls both can be disappointed by how lame it is.

A new study found that most Pakistani lawmakers do not file taxes. In a related story, Mitt Romney is establishing Pakistani residency before their next presidential election season.

Monks in Missouri have become famous for baking and selling fruitcakes to support their solitary existence, proving that if you want people to avoid you, make a fruitcake.

LA Clippers' star Chris Paul will be starring in a new series of insurance commercials for State Farm. The campaign promises that State Farm can handle any calamity, even being traded to the Clippers.

In New York, the head of the MTA is resigning to run for Mayor. He plans to run his campaign like the MTA: over budget, filthy and with unannounced suspensions.

And finally, Asian stocks rebounded after news of U.S. fiscal cliff negotiations, leading to speculation that sarcasm doesn't translate.

That's it.

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