Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Tuesday Morning Monologue - June 25, 2013

Jim Carrey said yesterday that he can no longer support his own film, Kick-Ass 2, due to it's objectionable content. Yet he still stands behind Batman Forever.

Coy Mathis, a 6 year-old transgender girl in Colorado, just won a seven-month legal battle to gain the right to use the girls' restroom at her school. And just in time, because seven months is a loooooong time to hold it.

George Lucas just got married. Thankfully, he did not write the vows.

NBA legend Scottie Pippen was questioned by police about his involvement in an altercation that sent a man to the hospital. Probably because Scottie hit the dude with all his NBA Championship Rings! What you got, LeBron? Two? That's not gonna send anyone to an urgent care clinic.

Silvio Berlusconi was sentenced to prison and banned from office for having sex with an underage girl. He nearly got away with it, though, but he made the fatal mistake of being a complete scum ball.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden pulled a feint and did not show up for his flight from Moscow to Havana. He is becoming the hardest guy to plan a surprise party for.

Tennis star and culture-critic Serena Williams apologized again for making an insensitive comment about the Steubenville rape victim. Serena said "I can't believe I put myself in this position."

And finally, according to the CDC, the newest strain of the bird flu "kills more than a third" of its victims. So it's a bad day to be a bird! Or a person. Seriously.

Bye!

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