Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Tuesday Morning Monologue - June 11, 2013

Sources close to the White House say the administration is reassessing its policy against arming Syrian rebels, because it will be totally different than Afghanistan.

Former Secretary of State, Senator, and First Lady Hillary Clinton joined Twitter this week, so for God's sake don't spoil Game of Thrones for her. She will destroy you.

Singing astronaut Chris Hadfield, who rose to fame for his rendition of "Space Oddity" performed about the International Space Station, announced he will be retiring. Good news, he/s going on a farewell tour. Bad news, it's in outer space. And scalpers already bought up all the tickets.

A new study indicates that yoga helps with memory, specifically being able to remember to talk incessantly about how much you enjoy yoga.

Speaking of yoga, Lululemon's Chief Executive Officer, Christine Day, is stepping down due to the whole "see-through yoga pants" thing. And while stepping down, you could totally see her underpants.

Tim Tebow will be signing with the New England Patriots, allowing fans to hate more efficiently.

A new study found that one-fifth of designated drivers have actually been drinking, and the other four just resent you.

And finally, the new Mac Air will have an "all-day battery," so you can look like a douchebag at Starbucks all day long.

End.

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