Ever have one of those days when your computer is a total and complete bastard? I'm starting to think "lenovo" is French for "screw you, user." It's fine, though. I don't really like getting things done. Anyway, 90+ minutes later, and I'm back in the saddle, waiting for the blue screen of death to come for me. Before it does, let me tell you some jokes.
First, actress and funny person Kristen Wiig said yesterday that she thinks leaving Saturday Night Live will be "the hardest thing," probably because she's afraid Lorne Michaels is going to lock her in a room with Justin Timberlake and make them both do the Target sketch until one or both of them are dead. Read your contract, Kristen! Soylent Green is Michaela Watkins!
In international news, the U.S. is looking to deepen relations with Brazil, because the U.S. heard that Brazil is really good at relations, and will relate in all sorts of crazy ways that NATO countries just won't anymore.
That's a sex joke.
Britney Spears is petitioning a judge to add her new fiance to her financial conservatorship, along with her father, because she doesn't have any daddy issues.
The Iranian government blocked its people from accessing the 2012 Olympics website, angering no one.
ATT just sold its Yellow Pages business to Cerebus, who will probably flip through it looking for coupons, then leave it alone for several years before finally divesting it during a long-overdue spring cleaning/reorganization.
Microsoft is buying one billion dollars' worth of patents from AOL, raising the company's net worth to one billion dollars.
Actor Ray Liotta said he's tired of playing criminals on screen, and wants a romantic role. It's the most passive-aggressive retirement announcement ever.
And finally, the outlook is bleak for the ceasefire in Syria scheduled for today, following reports of government forces confiscating all of the country's calendars. Should have seen that coming.
And that's all. Till tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!