Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Thursday Morning Monologue - April 26, 2012

Good times are here again, people. It's Ladies' Night here at Late Night Morning, so help yourself to some shitty beer. I don't even know what that means. Let's dance! I mean, how about some jokes?

A medical researcher claims to have located the G-Spot, according to an article in next months's Journal of American Bragging.

Sources close to John Edwards say that he at first doubted that his love child was his, until he found out that the baby was cheating on a cancer patient. Runs in families.

In Bavaria, public schools may reintroduce passages of Hitler's book, Mein Kampf. I just hope that no one goes crazy and starts burning big piles of copies of the book, because I'm fairly certain that much irony would turn Germany into Brooklyn.

Rupert Murdoch said yesterday that phone hacking is "lazy" journalism, which is why he only employs journalists who go the extra mile and make shit up.

He also said that he has never had any political influence on British politicians. He then went on to deny the existence of bear droppings in the woods.

Actor Jason Segel complained recently that the head of a movie studio ordered him to lose weight for a film. The executive also cut his pay by 25% and demanded that he menstruate every four weeks.

Donald Trump demanded that Scotland cancel plans for an offshore wind farm near one of his golfing resorts. Either he's just trying to protect his combover, or Trump just wants to be the biggest windbag in the area.

And finally, Newt Gingrich will be suspending his Presidential campaign next week due to the fact that he's run out of books to sell. Better luck next time, Newt!

That's all for now! Maybe there'll be a podcast tomorrow, though. Wouldn't that be neat?! Till then, or whenever, have a great day!

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