Mumford & Sons announced they'll be taking a break from music to get back to their first passions: subsistence farming and drinking moonshine under the stars.
In Thailand, two men are facing prison after taking a picture of pop star Rihanna with an endangered primate. So in the E! True Hollywood Story of Rihanna's life, just so we're all clear, *this* is the moment when someone in her life might have to do hard time.
In Sydney, a Qantas flight was delayed after a single Mandarin Rat Snake was discovered on the plane. Apparently his visa was not in order.
The Volkswagen van is finally being "retired," unlike the people who drive VW vans. They're not retired, they're just hippies.
Sewer operators across the country are spreading the word that flushing hand wipes and paper towels down the toilet will lead to clogs and problems with the sewer systems. So, just as a reminder, the only things that can go down the toilet are waste, toilet paper, and the economy when John Boehner is around.
In Egypt, a high court has suspended all activities of The Muslim Brotherhood, including the new magazine "The Muslim Brotherhood's Highlights for Kids." That thing is full of activities.
The San Francisco 49ers just lost star linebacker Aldon Smith to injuries, perhaps for the rest of the season. A representative from the team said they will just have to find a way to not get to the playoffs without him.
And finally, parents are trying to find ways to break their children's addiction to smartphones, but no one seems to have the answer. It seems pretty obvious, though. Make them get a job and then set up the phone to get work emails. They'll throw that thing in a river ASAP.
That's all. Whatever.
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