A man in Texas thought his friends were pranking him he reached into a beer cooler and pulled out a snake. Turns out it was just hot enough in Texas that a cold-blooded reptile needed to get out of the heat. For his part, the man was a good sport. He said the snake had a full-bodied flavor, but was a bit too hoppy for his taste.
Time Warner announced they would be moving their retired personnel off of the company health plan and instead provide the retirees with vouchers to go purchase health insurance on the open market. First they take CBS off the air and now this. Is there anything Time Warner won't do to dick over old people?
In Moscow, early reports indicate that Sergei Sobyanin, a close ally of Vladimir Putin, is likely to win the mayoral race. Probably because it's too cold to tweet pictures of your dick in Russia. However, a challenger, and vocal critic of Putin, claims he will be able to force a runoff. When Putin was asked for comment he said "'Force?' 'Runoff?' He forgot the words "my car to" and "cliff" in that sentence."
A new Prime Minister is set to take office in Australia. The conservative challenger won in a landslide, meaning that he survived a landslide in order to win the job. They do things differently in Australia.
South Korea is banning Japanese fish from their markets over the continued presence of radiation from the Fukushima power plant. Many South Koreans were upset, as they'd become accustomed to the convenience of self-cooking fish.
A new report came out this weekend that the NSA is able to access almost all smartphone data, which is how they've cornered the market in dick-pics.
Two dick-pic jokes in one day? I regret nothing.
In England, Prince Andrew was recently stopped and challenged by police outside Buckingham Palace (not where Lindsay Buckingham lives) because they didn't recognize him. Police eventually apologized, and to his credit Prince Andrew said he was grateful for the apology. He was also grateful to not be a young black or latino man in New York.
And finally, meteorologists are tracking a new tropical depressing in the Atlantic Ocean. It's over by the UK now, so expect it to get downright suicidal before heading towards America and where it will be calmed by all the Prozac from sewers on the East Coast. Circle of life.
And that's all.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!