Netflix announced that it will begin airing episodes of the hit series The Killing the day after they originally air. And they will be narrated by Ron Howard.
Daimler Motors recalled over 6,000 new A-Class Mercedes Hatchbacks after executives learned what a hatchback was.
The world's oldest complete Torah was found at an Italian university, alongside the world's oldest savings bonds and BestBuy gift cards.
That's a Bar Mitzvah joke.
Electronic music pioneers Daft Punk set a new record for plays of their latest album on Spotify. When they learned of their new album's popularity on the streaming site, members of the band started dreaming of what they will do with the zero dollars they just earned.
Internet technologists believe that using "noise-cancelling" software will increase the speed of the Internet, although it is worth pointing out that most of what's on the Internet falls under the category of "noise."
Wal-Mart agreed to pay an $86million fine for illegally disposing of hazardous fertilizer, pesticides, and other chemicals. In other news, Wal-Mart has a new store-brand antiperspirant coming out this week.
Doctors studying patient mortality found that people undergoing planned operations at the end of the week are more likely to die as a result of the procedure than people who get under the knife early in the week. Suddenly Urkel is no longer the worst thing about Friday.
And finally, Chinese hackers broke into the Pentagon's sensitive systems this week, gaining access to plans for dozens of advanced weapons systems. Analysts believe this theft will save the Chinese decades in developing pointless, expensive, and ill-advised military boondoggles. Damn it!
And that's the end.
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