Sunday, February 24, 2013

Programming Note

Late Night Morning will be on hiatus until the first week of March, as we relocate to our new Chicago studios. In the meantime, please remember not to take current events too seriously.

Thank you.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Tuesday Morning Monologue - February 12, 2013

Last week, a man walking his dog on the southern coast of England found a giant chunk of whale vomit on the beach. The rare vomit is actually worth $70,000, and is also a great reminder that whales can’t hold their liquor.

A study found that sitting in traffic in 2011 cost Americans an average of $818, not counting the emotional damage from listening to additional hours of Ryan Seacrest.

In Sweden, authorities have called off a national wolf-cull, after it was discovered that the wolves are key in keeping down the nation’s enormous Grandma population.

People in China are celebrating the arrival of the Year of the Snake with fewer fireworks than previous years, leading many to rename this the “Year of the Wuss Who Is Afraid of Firecrackers.”

A series of self-portraits by former President George W. Bush hit the Internet this week, and many critics were confused by the seemingly abstract paintings until they remembered that he’s physically incapable of seeing himself as the rest of the world does.

Singer Chris Brown wore a white tuxedo to the Grammy’s Sunday, proving many people wrong for saying that he would never be able to get RIhanna’s blood out of the jacket.

Pope Benedict announced his resignation from the Papacy. But don't worry about his financial well being. He's definitely got a golden parachute in his contract. And that would be a actual parachute made of gold.

Also, now that the top spot is open, the members of the College of Cardinals are rushing to update their resumes. And by "update" I mean "touch up the gold leaf on their illuminated transcripts."

And finally, Mountain Dew is introducing a breakfast drink. The marketing slogan? "Mountain Dew in the morning: Your day will only get better."